It's Matt, not Mail
by critter141151
Summary: What if when Matt and Mello met back up, Matt never told Mello he was the same Matt from Wammys?


AN - Uhh, for some reason this idea popped into my head after two nights of little to no sleep, so got urge to write it. I'm not too happy with how it came out, but I wanted to experiment with this style of writing so I used it for my testing =w= And yes I know it's short and probably not accurate at some points. Hence, the emphasis on experiment. Still interested in what peoples thoughts on it are though :)

Disclaimer~ I don't own Death Note.

It was stupid of me to think he'd recognize me after all these years. A part of me kinda' hoped he would, and the reunion would be as I pictured it when I was sitting alone in our room years ago in Wammy's.

That was a dream of mine though, one deep down I knew would never happen. We were so close back then, but at the same time it always felt like we held a distance that was impossible to breach. Because of the circumstances at the time, there was no way Mello would ever be able to. His goals and plans for the future, I don't think ever included me.

I valued our friendship, at least I considered it one, that sometimes I thought of it as more. That someday past the institution we'd still have been together. Even if Mello had made the L title someday, I could had been his "Watari." Yet, when Roger announced L died, I hardly got much of a goodbye. To this day, I don't know what Mello saw me as, if it was anything at all to begin with.

Which is why, I had secretly been tracking him down. I managed to follow him out to Los Angeles in America before his trail started to disappear. I had been looking in the underground and shadier businesses, as Mello had seemed to get himself into that scene. As my luck would have it, news came that he was looking for a hacker, and I was approached by his, "associates," and brought to his hideout.

I never used my chosen alias much during Wammys and they knew as smart as I was, I wasn't planning to ever go for the running and most called me by my given name instead. Mello never knew about the name Matt, nor about the feelings I actually held for him. I doubted even with the familiar stripes that he'd remember me since I had dyed my hair and called myself Matt instead of Mail. Yet for some reason, a part of me hoped regardless.

For months I worked from my crappy apartment, rarely even having to face Mello and his new style of life. He'd changed, but he also was still the same temperamental, blond fury I had fallen for. I didn't want him to know though, that I had found him. I didn't want him to know, on the off chance he wouldn't want me around.

I'm still unsure how I managed to stop myself from not rushing to him the second I knew he blew up the base. Nor, how I could simply let him get himself out for the most part before tipping off the underground medical services I knew. I bided my time until he got back on his feet, and feigned checking up on the operation. With most of his resources gone, I knew he would most likely recruit/ manipulate me into working for him.

Of course I agreed and it didn't bother me, when he ordered and treated me like nothing, but a tool. As long as I was by his side, if this is how I could help him then I'd do it.

It wasn't long before we were on our way to Japan, stopping first in New York. He mentioned Near, but kept most of the discussion vague. I could tell there were things he was leaving out, which I managed to piece together from what I knew. Near didn't know about what I was doing either, we talked once or twice at Wammy's, but for the most part I was in my room. Mello wouldn't have wanted me to be talking to him anyhow.

I'm getting off topic here, after he finished the business with Near we went to Japan. Once again, he didn't explain all the details of his plan, but basically we were going to kidnap Kiyomi Takada, Kira's spokesperson.

I wanted to say something, to make him change his mind, to tell him who I really was, anything. His plan scared me, it sounded like a suicide mission. He spoke and looked so passionate about it, at the same time so blank. He wanted to bring justice to Kira, to get revenge for L, and I think he knew it was going to cost him his life.

I didn't say anything though, even when he told me that I was going to be the one causing the distraction. Stuck between regretting and not. Should I have said who I was? Should I have told him how I felt? Should I have tried to think of a better plan?

I don't have an answer, but I know that I don't regret being able to be by his side again. Nor, being able to help him with his dreams the only way I could. Even if I have to die with the name Matt and not Mail.

So when the bullets went through me, with my cigarette sliding from my mouth I didn't mind. If only because, it was all for you Mello, and that'll make it always worth it. If there is a life beyond this death, then I hope I can find you. Because once your dead, there's nothing to hide from anymore.


End file.
